This story had a lot of good ideas but I couldn't really follow what was going on.I thought that the narrative paragraphs made complete sense…. Then I would get to the dialogue and be scratching my head.I think the dialogue is where you lost me.Your character has a good strong voice… I can feel her emotions.Also your descriptions of people and the coffee shop were really good.I knew exactly what it looked like or what the person looked like.
I didn't feel like the story had good movement… it didn't seem to flow very well.That was the only thing that I think was really wrong with the story.It seemed like you were jumping back and forth between different fragments of this girls life…. And I could really follow the general ideas.I realized that you were saying something about the concept of life and how different people were but I guess I didn't really understand what you wanted me to understand.
One thing that may help the story just look better is the font…. It really confused me.I think it made me cross-eyed…. But that just could have been me.I really loved the girls character…. She was hilarious… I just got lost when she started talking.Maybe if you just shaped up the dialogue a bit it would be a masterpiece. I couldn't figure out the general motive of the story… or really the plot.However, I could have just totally missed the entire point. The story was really funny though.


I'm Sandulf

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